Lenny Dykstra Alias “Nails” Finally Gets Nailed. Way To Go “Dude”

Lenny Dykstra and Art Schlichter have to be the top train wrecks in sports. The former Ohio State and Baltimore Colts quarterback was in the top six of Heisman Trophy balloting in his final three seasons and almost led the Buckeyes to the national title in 1979. As it turned out his game-losing pick by Clemson's Charlie Bauman in the 1978 Gator Bowl which led to Woody Hayes assault and next-day firing was a sign of things to come.

The fourth overall pick in 1982, Schlichter had some serious gambling issues. He ran up at least $700,000 in gambling debts in his rookie year alone. The NFL later suspended him for gambling and his career was snake eyes five years later. No, blowing a career millions would happily give their left testicle for wasn't enough. Schlichter later said he committed more than 20 felonies. He spent the equivalent of 10 years in 44 prisons.

Last September Schlichter was sentenced to 10 years in prison for his involvement in a million-dollar ticket scam. He tested positive for cocaine while serving a house arrest sentence on his fraud charges on January 19, 2012. This story sure ain't over and will no doubt end up with quotes like, “If only we knew...”

My second choice is former Mets and Phillies outfielder Lenny Dykstra. He played 12 years in the majors and was a three-time All-Star. How this guy got away with what he did for so long without really being nailed is beyond me.

Dykstra, nickednamed “nails” and “dude” was the Mets leadoff hitter during their 1986 championship season. You really had to love the Mets to like this guy. He looked like your best friend's little runt brother who with his dirty face, mouthful of gum and holes in his tee shirt always wanted to tag along and get in the way. A human mosquito buzzing in the ear of a cool guy at the bar at the Plaza.

Dykstra became the heir apparent to Mr. Met with his walkoff home run in Game 3 of the '86 NLCS against the Houston Astros. He even became a poster boy posing topless in a “beefcake” shot under the “Nails” nickname.

But Dykstra's greasy ways eventually caught up with him. He was traded to the Phillies in 1989 and former teammate Keith Hernandez later said in his book Pure Baseball that one of the reasons Dykstra was dealt was because he was "on the wild and crazy side." Kinda like Titanic Captain Smith putting on an extra sweater just in case it got chilly.

Like gooey slime oozing through the walls in a horror flick, Dykstra's craziness began to come through the cracks in 1991. He took the wad of chew out of his mouth long enough to get drunk and crash his car into a tree suffering broken ribs and a broken cheekbone. And he began to look different too. All of a sudden this little runt, who would normally be good for five or six homers a year, morphed into a mini- Arnold Schwarzenegger. He hit 19 during the 1993 season as the Phillies went on to win the Series. Dykstra later admitted using steroids. In fact he boasted about it. According to Randall Lane of the Daily Beast, Dykstra said that he and Jose Canseco were “steroid pioneers.”

After retiring in 1996, Dykstra got into the stock market and ran a string of car washes. Interesting combination. Money and washing. Hmm. Anyway he managed a stock portfolio and I remember seeing articles about him in some of the most respected business publications. “Nails a respected stock picker?” I thought. Count me out. But the real fun was yet to come. A brief rundown via Wikipedia: Dykstra bought Wayne Gretzky's $17 million estate with the hopes of flipping it, but was unsuccessful. At one point, Dykstra owed more than $13 million on the house, and Lake Sherwood security guards were eventually told to keep Dykstra away from the property due to Dykstra stripping the house of over $51,000 worth of items (counter-tops, an oven, and hardwood flooring) and Dykstra allowing the homeowners' insurance to lapse on the property.

In July 2009, Dykstra, whose net worth was estimated at $58 million in 2008, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy listing less than $50,000 in assets against $10 million to $50 million in liabilities.

Among other things, Dykstra was later accused of sexual assault by his housekeeper, bounced a $1,000 check for a female escort, charged with bankruptcy fraud, and the final nail - a three year jail term for grand theft auto and filing a false financial statement. According to prosecutors, Dykstra and two others tried to lease and then sell cars from several dealerships by claiming credit through a nonexistent business.

After a dozen or so foul balls, Lenny Dykstra has finally struck out.